Saturday, July 30, 2011

July 2011

Omerism of the Month: There's nothing wrong with semen so long as it is of the non-human variety.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

June 2011

You know, the world does not revolve around women.


Just because your mother has already reached menopause doesn't mean I can't provide her an orgasmic experience.


There is clearly one thing that all women have in common... and, that is, that they all want me.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

May 2011

On the topic of moving into his new place (and out of his parents' home)...

"I predict I will have an explosion in sexual activity."

Thursday, April 14, 2011

April 14, 2011

He speaks... I dedicate my life such that I am not ever a required entity.

A response... Then, how come you're required for that 9AM meeting on Monday morning?

And, Omerism... I think they just want eye candy.

Friday, March 18, 2011

March 18, 2011

On the topic of women...

Friend: You need a wider selection.
PureMuscle: There's maybe 200 people nearby. But, you do need to consider that maybe 80% are male, and 15% are married women. That leaves 5%, and most of them are ugly.


PureMuscle: I actually saw a cute girl earlier today.
Friend: Is she a part of the set {married}?
PureMuscle: Don't think so, she's young.
Friend: Young and married are not mutually exclusive... is she part of the set {taken}?
PureMuscle: No clue... but, she probably is in the set {wants my nuts}.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

March 2, 2011

Pure Muscle, after hearing he had 8% body fat, says, "I might be throwing a party soon for all my fat friends in order to cheer them up a bit."


Everyone wants to see black guys dressed up as ladies!

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Jan 1 - Feb 17, 2011

Excerpts from lunch:


During a conversation about the gestation period of various mammals, we were given this gem...

"With a 2 year pregnancy, elephants must really be diligent about using condoms."


"In the anti-Semitic parts of the world, they don't call it Israeli cuisine. Restaurants serving Jewish food are labeled Food of Occupied Palestine."


"I want to walk down the street and have people kneel and kiss my hands."


After a friend offers him a deal on a car ($8K special friend asking price for a car listed at $12K Blue Book)...

"How about $6500? I want to impress the ladies with my business and negotiation skills."

Thursday, December 9, 2010

December 9, 2010

"I'm a really nice guy... I'm respectful and I have good intentions."

... a little over 3 minutes goes by ...

Question: "So, when's the last time you had an actual conversation with a 21 year-old [girl]?"
Answer: "I don't. That's what my friends are for. With the ladies, I just talk about what they want to talk about... like shopping."


"Girls in general are quite naïve. Most have no idea what is really on guys' minds."

Thursday, October 14, 2010

October 14, 2010

Qu'ils mangent de la brioche.

Upon hearing that some of his lunchtime company may be vegetarians on the way to a BBQ spot...

"Not to worry, there'll be plenty of grass nearby the restaurant for them to feed on."

Thursday, September 30, 2010

September 30, 2010

In response to, "You seem like you're thinking happy thoughts. You've got a big smile on you. What are you so happy about?"

He says, matter-of-factly, "I just realized I have crap in my water."

Thursday, September 23, 2010

September 23, 2010

When bitching about our daily lives...

"It must be nice to always have some [other group] to blame. They are Israel, and you guys are the Arab Nation."

September 16, 2010

Upon discussing the prospect of a colleague becoming a male stripper, our hero says,

"Rarely do I get this excited before 5pm."

Monday, August 30, 2010

August 30, 2010

Mid-way through lunch, the conversation had evolved into one about immigrant sex workers that had made their way into Israel. Ideally, one should find the right transition into a different conversation. Instead, this was the segue offered:

"So, I have this cousin, she's..."

Later on, same lunch.
"Damn, you guys are old. You can't even last an hour." (referring to the length of code reviews)

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

July 28, 2010

"One day we'll have enough power in congress to eliminate anti-Semites like you."
"Yea, I like women who are over 200lbs and muscular."

Street Parking Wisdom - If you drive a small car, and you park too closely behind a larger car (e.g. SUV) on the street, then you are clearly an idiot. Thus, you should be held responsible for all damages caused by the car that backs into you.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

July 27, 2010

"I want to impress the women with my raging intellect."
"I would be more productive if this office wasn't such a cock fest."

Late Afternoon
"I'm used to working on more existential problems. I have no time to waste on trying to make a few bucks on the side."