Thursday, December 9, 2010

December 9, 2010

"I'm a really nice guy... I'm respectful and I have good intentions."

... a little over 3 minutes goes by ...

Question: "So, when's the last time you had an actual conversation with a 21 year-old [girl]?"
Answer: "I don't. That's what my friends are for. With the ladies, I just talk about what they want to talk about... like shopping."


"Girls in general are quite naïve. Most have no idea what is really on guys' minds."

Thursday, October 14, 2010

October 14, 2010

Qu'ils mangent de la brioche.

Upon hearing that some of his lunchtime company may be vegetarians on the way to a BBQ spot...

"Not to worry, there'll be plenty of grass nearby the restaurant for them to feed on."

Thursday, September 30, 2010

September 30, 2010

In response to, "You seem like you're thinking happy thoughts. You've got a big smile on you. What are you so happy about?"

He says, matter-of-factly, "I just realized I have crap in my water."

Thursday, September 23, 2010

September 23, 2010

When bitching about our daily lives...

"It must be nice to always have some [other group] to blame. They are Israel, and you guys are the Arab Nation."

September 16, 2010

Upon discussing the prospect of a colleague becoming a male stripper, our hero says,

"Rarely do I get this excited before 5pm."

Monday, August 30, 2010

August 30, 2010

Mid-way through lunch, the conversation had evolved into one about immigrant sex workers that had made their way into Israel. Ideally, one should find the right transition into a different conversation. Instead, this was the segue offered:

"So, I have this cousin, she's..."

Later on, same lunch.
"Damn, you guys are old. You can't even last an hour." (referring to the length of code reviews)

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

July 28, 2010

"One day we'll have enough power in congress to eliminate anti-Semites like you."
"Yea, I like women who are over 200lbs and muscular."

Street Parking Wisdom - If you drive a small car, and you park too closely behind a larger car (e.g. SUV) on the street, then you are clearly an idiot. Thus, you should be held responsible for all damages caused by the car that backs into you.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

July 27, 2010

"I want to impress the women with my raging intellect."
"I would be more productive if this office wasn't such a cock fest."

Late Afternoon
"I'm used to working on more existential problems. I have no time to waste on trying to make a few bucks on the side."